Month: September 2021

ARE YOU RAISING “SOMEBODY’S SON”VERSION BEST?

Just in case you haven’t heard the song, ‘Somebody’s son,’ by @tiwasavage ft @brandy, it is a trending song in Nigeria and peaked #12 (new entry) on the billboards’ world’s digital song sales on September 3, 2021. I love the song not only because of its impressive vocals but it echoes what many ladies, especially those that have been hurt in previous and current relationships, desire from men in a partnership. I don’t think good women ask for too much: they simply want companionship (friendship), commitment (love) and constancy (faithfulness & trust) from their men. But seriously, let’s focus on ‘Somebody’s son,’ our male children & teens, and our men, a bit.

As parents of boys, are we raising our boys to become excellent ‘somebody’s sons- version Best!!?’ Note that i didn’t say ‘perfect,’ but excellent, because truly no man can be perfect but every man can strive to be excellent- which means striving to be the best version of himself. It doesn’t mean he won’t make mistakes but acknowledging his mistakes, correcting them and genuinely taking steps towards ‘continuous improvement’ is commendable.

We can raise excellent boys (somebody’s sons) and should continue to be deliberate or intentional about parenting them (correcting
they when they do something wrong, praising them for good behavior, paying attention or being attentive to what is going on in their lives, affirming our love for them, praying with them, etc). On a personal note, I cast my mind back to 23 years ago when I met my ‘somebody’s son,’ my husband, or remember how I prayed to God fervently to make it possible for me to marry a man that had the loving attributes and values of my dad, who is an excellent ‘somebody’s son.’ I share some of the unique attributes that i have observed in these men over the years and hope that I can continue to help my sons build up these attributes as well. Hopefully you can share some of the attributes that you would like to see in an excellent man as well.

An excellent ‘somebody’s son’ WILL

1. Have the fear of God: ‘the fear of God is the beginning of wisdom’ may sound like an old-time Bible verse but our sons should have a fear of God by acknowledging his supremacy and authority over the earth and their lives. You may not be religious but let there be an authority figure in the lives of your sons- one that he reveres, regularly consults with and learns from. No man is an island- we need each other. An excellent man will typically have one or two persons he is accountable to. Accountability facilitates humility, open-communication and problem resolution, when he faces life’s challenges.
2. Love his children and spouse/partner: I have written a lot about love. Read 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7 again to get a summary of what it means. I think that it is difficult to say that a man loves when he doesn’t demonstrate love in his actions, which should be consistent. He loves by genuinely caring for his family and taking interest in learning about those that are important to him. He sees the short comings and the positives of his spouse/partner/children and accepts and values them, and when necessary work on ways to help them improve their weaknesses. We can’t really change a grown man or woman but our positive actions or disposition toward them can help them become a better version of themselves. Of course, much younger children are more amenable to corrections and an excellent man takes firm but loving actions to invest in the physical, spiritual and psychological development of his loved ones. In a nutshell, an excellent man will simply show up for his family.
3. Acknowledge his wrong doings and take proactive steps to change. An excellent ‘somebody’s son’ will be willing to right his wrong and take the necessary steps to maintain or improve his relationships
4. Set goals- he is responsible and resourceful: Typically, women like their men to be in charge and lead. It is important to note that leading doesn’t mean controlling other people. One of the things that endeared me to my husband was how he sets goals and timelines. I watched how he affirmed his goals consistently and took the necessary steps to fulfill those goals at special points in time. He is resourceful and always find ways to resolve any problem that comes up. These qualities and many more continue to endear him to me.

Am I or are you raising ‘Somebody’s son’ best version? This question is worth pondering but we must never forget that we may just be raising a FUTURE husband, father, country or company’s president, world leader or role model, renowned or world’s scientist, or ……(fill in the blank). We better get it right!

This weekend, I spent every single day cooking. “Should women spend so much of their time in the kitchen?” is up for debate at a later time 😂. Well, at least 4 hours of my time was worth it because my two boys had their first share of broiled chicken, took seconds and thirds, left me with almost no left-overs and sent me to the store to get more chicken that I will need to prep and grill again.

Seriously, the meals I made this weekend turned out well because I was determined to GIGO my kind of way. It wasn’t at all easy or convenient but i did it anyway- I stayed up cleaning, washing, chopping. seasoning, spicing, until all was done and ready for the oven. Then I had to stay on to clean afterwards. I put in the work and i am glad it turned out well. Parenting can be exactly like my weekend. It is hard work… Sometimes, you do it right and sometimes there will be slip ups. However, realizing our errors and retracting from them so that we are back on the right track make parenting worthwhile.

How do you want to GIGO your way? Do you want to ‘Garbage in, Garbage out?’ Or do you want to ‘Great in, Great out?’ I like to do the later, and put in ‘great’ effort to get ‘great’ result. However. it takes persistence, determination and resilience to keep at it.

Here are some tips for staying on track or to ‘Great in Great out’ on your parenting journey.

1. Remember the reason why you are doing what you are doing. There are benefits to sticking it out and not giving up at any point in your parenting journey i.e. the peace of mind that you get when your children are doing well in their endeavors is priceless.
2. Focus on the end goal. What are you looking to get out of your parenting journey? With this target in mind, you are motivated to keep going. For example, I was determined to ensure that my boys have a healthy meal over the weekend, so I did all that was necessary to make that happen.
3. Enlist the help of others along the way because you will need them. It is also okay to vent and let out your frustration, if you get to that point. Take a break from a particular task if needed. In my particular situation, I negotiated with my boys and told them that they had to wash the dishes and do the other weekend chores. Alternatively. If push had come to shove, I could have considered getting a chef or ordered out healthy meals for us to eat. The lesson here is, don’t sweat it, if you are not up to it.

It is most important that you don’t ‘Garbage in Garbage out.’ if we don’t take care in parenting effectively, how do we want to get effective results? Remain focused on your goals and aim to put in the requisite effort, time or whatever it takes to make you proud of the outcome you desire. Finally don’t forget to enlist the help of others as you go along. Till next time, “‘Great in,’ so that you can ‘Great out.’

I spent most of my childhood years in Nigeria, West Africa, from the early 80s to the mid 90s, and learned from a very young age that respect was demanded by parents from their children. Parents never believed that they had to earn the respect of their children; in many homes, respect was demanded and simply formed a part of the upbringing of a Nigerian child. A girl kneels down to greet her parents and a boy prostrates to show reverence for their parents. This wasn’t necessarily bad, after all, we are to ‘honor our parents so that it may go well for us,’ but several parents in those years equated respect to servitude- the child didn’t have an opinion of their own and had to do exactly as the parents said.

Respect wasn’t servitude in my household. My parents didn’t provoke us children to anger but instead brought us up in the discipline and instruction that came from the Lord. I disagreed with my dad on a number of issues and was considered the ‘bold’ child, but I followed our traditions- I knelt down on my two knees to greet my parents early in the morning and, in turn, was prayed for, while growing up, and had to do this on my wedding day (pictured).

My understanding of love was first learned from my parents and over the years, I reciprocated that love to my parents because they first loved me. The memory of this early morning tradition from my childhood is still vivid and has never left me. This tradition was so impactful that I carried it on in my family. My parents loved my siblings and I so much that they were kind enough to deposit those seeds of prayers into our lives for decades- they blessed us and didn’t curse us and prayed for God’s blessings, good health and prosperity for us- those prayers have carried us through life and still do today. I have also been inspired to be creative about praying for my children and those that I love. When my children were younger, i deposited the seeds of prayers into their lives just like my parents did for my siblings and I. As my children have grown older and I see less of the older teens, I have been more deliberate about carrying on this tradition of ‘daily prayer.’ Whether I am praying with them, in agreement, about their prayers requests, or praying for them over the phone or praying over their passport photos, which typically lay on my bedside table, you will find me praying for my children because I love them.

From the moment children are born, as parents, we first loved them. We love them even when they offend us. We love them and they learn from us how to love. They love us back because we first loved them when they were born… when they are were young impressionable. We also don’t provoke them to anger… instead we pray for them. We have been asked to pray for our enemies (those that persecute us), but let us start with those that we love- this is an easy place to begin. Perhaps our relationships truly can be better if we pray for those that we love. Could there be hope for a more loving world? DON’T YOU EVER FORGET THIS….YOU FIRST LOVED THEM. STAY PRAYED UP!! Read at https://spidnetworking.com/2021/09/12/dont-you-ever-forget-this-you-first-loved-them-pray-for-them/