
They say parenting changes your life but I will say in most cases, the child changes the parent and has a greater influence in setting the direction of the parent’s life. For almost two decades, my life, career decisions, and actions, interestingly, have always revolved around my children. I am not sure if it is a bad thing but it feels right. Looking back now, I see ‘growth,’ not only on my part but on my children’s part as well. From infancy to toddler to preschool to school age to adolescence and adult stage, the children and parents are growing and developing together
Being a parent not only reveals our strengths but also our vulnerabilities. I don’t think there is ever a ‘perfect’ parent or a playbook that tell us how to be one, however, parents can strive to be intentionally responsible and not nonchalant, excellent and not mediocre, diligent and not inconsistent, loving and not loveless, in an effort to make their experience positive and worthwhile.
Being a parent has made me a better person. This doesn’t mean that I am without fault but that I have learned from my mistakes and made amends. It also means that I now feel confident in my abilities and have been (I am ) successful with using them to help my children develop and influence others in positive ways.
Nothing prepares a parent for the joys and challenges that one will experience. You simply learn how to parent from‘day 1’ and along the way. I have learned several lessons from my children, who are the reason for becoming a parent in the first place, but my lessons of L.O.VE are ones I want to share. The word ‘love’ means patience, not proud, not disrespectful, not self-seeking, not easily angered, no record of wrongs kept. It is actually the answer to many of the problems in our world today. However, the lessons I have learned from my children are couched in the acronym L.O.VE, which I will share:
1. Leading with impact. My children have simply allowed me to lead. Once they came into the world, they came with absolutely no knowledge of what the world is about. A child relies on the parent to be the first teacher and trusts them to lead the way. You may not be a natural leader but you will definitely learn to lead when you become a parent. What better way to lead than doing it in an impactful way.
2. Opportunities. In my children, I have learned to seek opportunities to be better i.e. attending programs or reading books that will help me become a better parent or finding ways for them to access better opportunities in education, or for us (parents)to improve their standard of living or personal development. etc. Whether it was practicing how to make my daughter’s hair when there was no one available to do it or taking on a new job or career path so that my children observe the value of hard work, or quitting my job so that I can spend quality time with them, I have always sought and maximized opportunities whenever I found them. My children have shown me not to make them the excuse for not pursuing my dreams, goals or ambitions but the reason to do it.
3. Versatility : Parenting has helped me to be versatile. When my children were younger, i often was the cleaner, cook, driver, teacher, and still had to pursue my educational and career interests, all at the same. As a matter of fact, I still wear many hats today.
4. Excellence: I have always been excellent in whatever I do, even as a young 8 year old, who would iron her notebooks to ensure that it was neat. However, becoming a parent, took it a notch up. Being excellent doesn’t mean perfect. It just means that I strive to do well and be better in whatever I do. I think this has to do with me living with the consciousness that my children are looking up to me and I can’t afford to fail them.
The lessons that you have learned as a parent or will learn in the future will never be exactly the same as mine. We will all have different experiences but the most important thing is to be ‘present’ in the lives of our children (precious gifts), especially when they need us; enjoy every moment that you have with your children, especially when they are young, and create long lasting memories for (yep!!keepsakes and journals never run out of fashion) and with them. Trust me- there will be a ‘pay off’ at the end of it. Before long, we will see and experience positive growth. Keep going parents, you’ve got this!!!
