Your Empty Nester experience doesn’t have to be bad…you can flourish

A few days ago, I was chatting with a childhood friend, whose kids have left home for college. She is considered an empty nester since she doesn’t have have a child physically at home to look after any longer. Since I am not at this stage yet, I asked my friend how her empty nester experience was going. She sent me a ‘laugh out loud’ 😂 emoji and replied- It is an interesting experience and a very nice stage of marriage. “It’s just that you have so much space and time to see all the things you didn’t notice before. What you decide to do about that will break or make your marriage stronger.” This got me thinking- how can parents, single or married, make the most of their ‘ empty nester’ experience.

During this stage, many parents, especially mothers, feel a sense of helplessness because they feel that they no longer have control over the activities of their children. Other parents feel a sense of guilt of not having done a better job at raising their children. While these feelings and emotions are normal if they go on only for a short period of time, they should never put you into a state of depression. If they go on longer, please see a doctor. I offer some tips on how we can flourish during this stage of parenting .

  1. Start planning early for a positive ‘empty nester ‘ experience- don’t wait till you get to this stage to start living your life. As you raise your children, you should endeavor to live a life beyond your kids or your office job or profession. Learn a new sport or a new skill. Spend your leisure time doing something you enjoy or feel a sense fulfillment with. Gardening or Golfing are great examples 😆
  2. Expand your circle of friends and relationships. Form relationships that will build you up personally and professionally. If you are married, you and your partner can decide to share friendships and activities with other couples to help strengthen your marriage. This might be a great time to mentor others too or possibly adopt other children.
  3. Be patient with your partner, if married. Some couples might need to regain a better understanding of who their spouse is because they have lost the deep connection and bond they once had and that was shifted to the children. Sadly, this is the stage when some couples get divorced. Obviously, there are justifiable reasons why divorce happens but I want to share what my childhood friend shared during our chat and when we talked about divorce that occur after twenty years of marriage, which seems like a long time “We must keep committing ourselves to love and cherish and protect each other. If it is your child that starts to exhibit some unwanted behavior will you divorce him/her? The same love that we have for our children should be the same we have for our spouses. Of course it’s not easy if the issues are serious, but God’s grace abounds.” Some people may not agree with the point of loving our spouses like we love our children but i get her point. Love covers a multitude of sins. It truly does but it is also easier said than practiced, let’s be honest. This is where I will say again ‘God’s grace abounds’ because having a lasting marriage takes a lot of commitment patience, perseverance and prayers from both parties. I’ll state here that staying on in a marriage where emotional or any form of abuse persists isn’t advisable.
  4. Volunteer: if you haven’t started, you may want to start giving of yourself now by your service to others. “As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands — one for helping yourself, the other for helping others.” — Audrey Hepburn.” “The meaning of life is to find your gift. The purpose of life is to give it away.” — William Shakespeare. Volunteering could serve as a hideout for coping with loneliness when the kids leave home. It could also offer some benefits to your mental and physical health.

As parents, we will all get to the empty nester stage, if we haven’t experienced it yet. It can certainly be an interesting and positive experience instead of a bad one, if we start planning now.

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